My mum rang yesterday. She lives in Adelaide, my home town in South Australia, and has been phoning daily for the 4 months since the accident. She told me only a few weeks ago that it was the hardest thing she'd been through, when I was in Intensive Care and she couldn't be with me or see me and could only speak to others about my condition. She lost a husband in a car accident when her five children were aged 8 to 15. It hurt me more than my injuries themselves to know that a car accident was once more causing my mother extreme grief---for the first 24 hours she wasn't sure if I'd live or die, and when she was relieved of that anxiety for me, she had to carry it for my husband. She started calling me daily as soon as she could, and continues to. She knows all the details of the accident, our injuries, our recovery, and what damage still remains. I had no intention of sending her photos of myself until the healing had started to settle in and take effect; after my second plastic surgery operation a couple of weeks ago, I sent my nephew some updated photos. Lee, who lives in Bombay and is an actor in Bollywood movies (and who does tv ads and modelling for income; check him out at the bottom of my blog, there's an ad of his that's my favorite) came to stay with Jahnu and I in Calcutta after Jahnu came out of hospital. He looked after us and saw the results of the accident on us very soon after it happened. So as my injuries improved, I'd send him photos so he could see how much change was taking place.
Lee is in Australia for a visit at the moment, and after my last surgery I sent him the latest updates so he could see how dramatic the difference was. He asked if he could show anyone else. I'd been reluctant to send photos of myself around, because without seeing how bad the damage was, appreciation for the improvement would not be there, and I didn't want to deal with peoples thoughts of how "bad" things were when in fact they were absolutely flippin' marvelous :) So I told him, "Go ahead, show everyone, but make sure they know that what they're seeing is the good news..."
My desire in dealing with my mother was always to protect her from seeing things and feeling things that a mother simply shouldn't feel; things that would make her feel as though she couldn't or hadn't "protected" me, things that hurt a parent's heart, that make a parent wish it was them and not their child--no matter that the "child" is now 45 years old.
So Lee did as I asked and then showed her the photos.
And yesterday my mum called. The first thing she said was, "I saw a photo of you yesterday...."
I was silent for a moment, wondering what my mother thought of seeing her youngest daughter scarred like this; of seeing the result of a head-on collision with a truck; of seeing what flying through a vehicle at over 100km per hour does to a face that impacts with, and breaks, the windscreen; of seeing the healed remnants of what she would know was a violent, painful, and traumatic incident.
The silence between us was filled with so many thoughts. "OK...so…" I finally said, "...what did you think, Mum?"
She was silent. And then she said something that only a mother could say:
"Have you lost weight??"
My desire in dealing with my mother was always to protect her from seeing things and feeling things that a mother simply shouldn't feel; things that would make her feel as though she couldn't or hadn't "protected" me, things that hurt a parent's heart, that make a parent wish it was them and not their child--no matter that the "child" is now 45 years old.
So Lee did as I asked and then showed her the photos.
And yesterday my mum called. The first thing she said was, "I saw a photo of you yesterday...."I was silent for a moment, wondering what my mother thought of seeing her youngest daughter scarred like this; of seeing the result of a head-on collision with a truck; of seeing what flying through a vehicle at over 100km per hour does to a face that impacts with, and breaks, the windscreen; of seeing the healed remnants of what she would know was a violent, painful, and traumatic incident.
The silence between us was filled with so many thoughts. "OK...so…" I finally said, "...what did you think, Mum?"
She was silent. And then she said something that only a mother could say:
"Have you lost weight??"
90 of you added your thoughts:
Gold!!!!
Braja... once again I haven't been able to access your site for days.
Was thinking of leaving you a msge at my place and then you arrive - I click and wha la... all is well again and I can read your post and able to leave a comment :-)
I like to comment even though I often read more than I comment on.... just wanna let you know that I kinda care about you x
be well Ribbon
PS...
nice to be a proud Aunty
HA! That is the sweetest thing anyone could have EVER said!! This post kinda made me tear up! I love your mom!
I can well imagine what your mother must be going through. Who is more courageous? A different situation for both but the same resolve. Get well soon.
OOh, she is so sweet!
First time to land here on your blog which is definitely amazing! So sorry for your accident but I am sure you're much better now :)
haha that's awesome. pure gold. hope you're feeling better!
She is brilliant- just like her daughter!!
Braja- I loved this post. I loved the fact that you gave us a little peek into someone who brought you into this world. thank you.
and your nephew??? He's a doll!!!!!!!
Braja
Your post bought tears to my eyes, like your title Only a mother could understand. The fear and concern your Mother has, I love how she handles it, like a champ.
Strength flows
in your DNA,
across continents...
Healing is on,
Worry recedes;
And she wonders
At your weight loss,
Not knowing, that it's
But natural,
because
it's a BIG weight off your mind....
I guess mothers across the world are all the same. I think she is secretly relieved. But here's wishing that your wounds heal well soon, and that she is able to see another picture of you soon...
Well, have you? (grin)
That was good for a bellylaugh. Moms...another force that helps hold the universe together.
Beautiful...
Oh. my. Are we related? My mother turns everything around to have you lost/gained weight. Everything.
Is your mom jewish by any chance??
and, she is a mother that loves her daughter beyond words.
Oh that's lovely. It must be a relief for you that she's finally seen the photos.
Will come back later to have a look at your nephew. The link seems to be missing.
Saw it - he's so cute! :-)
Oh, I LOVE that. Just a perfect, perfect, Mothery thing to say. God love her!
Your mother has real class.
What a beautiful post! Healing hugs are being sent your way.
oh.my.god.
classic! your mother is a gem braja! A GEM!
and the fruit does not fall far from the tree :)
i got instruction out of this post. a nice, good dose. thank you.
xxxxxxxxxxx
I enjoyed reading the comments almost as much as your post. Wonderful reading...you are quite the writer...with a purposeful insight. I am linking you to my leisurely reads on my public blog..if that is okay. I am a private journaller sometimes breaking out into the public but mostly finding my thots to be clear when I journal alone. STrange that isn't it. Ahhhhh...but I have always lived a public life and that tis why. Good Grief...I wax on. Anyway....my public journal is http://trish-schemmelhos.blogspot.com/ and my cooking one is
http://themadchemist-trish.blogspot.com/ should you care to drop by. Thanks...I'll be back.
I love your mom. Would she be interested in adopting another 40'ish kid? Or maybe we could be all-unofficial-like and she could just take in a stray?
Oh Braja
this post really touched my heart
as a mother and as a person
you are so very brave
your poor MUM...all she has been through
I loved her comment yes, exactly what a mum would say
makes on really need to live in the moment because nothing is certain expect that people are capable of loving one another and helping one another
HUGS
I have told you this before and I am going to tell you this again. We share a mom. I am sure of it.
Your mum is killer. ;) What an excellent response,
The build up and suspense of this post was amazing. I was on the edge of my seat, quite honestly. I am curious if the Indian population are as inquisitive of your scarring as they are about your reproductive abilities, though? Do you have to explain what happened constantly still, or has the news disseminated enough in the village that you can walk around unmolested?
Love you, girl, and am so glad to be back and reading. :)
OMG sorry that last line is hilarious! Bless her heart she was trying to find the right words.. I am sure you had lost weight druing that ordel. I can't imagine the pain your mother endured while you were going through this and Jahnu too. (having the flash backs to the time HER life totally changed along with her kids OMG the pain she must have felt-and needing to be with you ...)Knowing her baby was having to deal with this and she couldn't be there. I know how my Mom would be feeling. WOW, hell I know how we were all feeling way of here how helpless..and she's your Mom! How wonderful for you to be able to speak to her daily, I see you smiling every time the phone rings. She should be getting close to coming out there huh! Great personal post Braja!
Oh Bellabraja... She adores you so.
You have to know that that is our way of coping. Trying to say something so... so... offbeat... so out of context... that it doesn't show our children how incredibly crazy with worry and fret we were and are.
I have felt what it's like... to watch my child lie helpless on a gurney, my kisses, hugs, touch unable to help him in any way... just tubes, Doctors, machines... cold, sterile, and lonely... it is a nightmare...
After William was on his way to getting better... I made a stupid joke that only drew laughter from myself... but it was what I needed to say...at that very moment... to be able to eek another word out.
Oh... bless your Mama... she is strong... to be able to get through the "not knowing" from so far away. You are a good daughter for caring how she felt so much. So many would have just rolled their eyes.
I hope you are able to see your Mama soon.
That was priceless... Only a Mama.
This made me laugh out loud, my mom would do this and it would be total comic relief. Thanks for the chuckle - Happy Sunday.
I sit here with tears in my eyes and a smile on my face at that last line. I never knew what power of protection, motherhood would bring, it is connsuming. I can only imagine what your mum must have been feeling for the last 4 months. I remember watching my daughter in hospital and the numbness I felt being powerless to help her. I felt the same, I might add with both parents as they lay in front of me dying. I think it works both ways, that bond - that love between parent and child. Your mother was still protecting you with that last line, without a doubt she was probably shocked, but needed to say something. At least she didn't say something like you've got more gray hair, which for some reason I could imagine my family saying, or have you gained weight.
I loved this post Braja, the way you captured motherhood in general while sharing with us your own mother. That what she said on the phone in the end brought humor to a moment so serious.
And your nephew? So cute and such talent.
I get jealous of my wife sometimes, I admit. She has that, that instinct or pure raw intelligence, to say those things to our kids, almost effortlessly. As a man, or as me anyway, I get so wrapped up in the attempt of thinking of something supportive to say that what comes out is just short of useless.
I have some gems, of course. I've had kids for almost 21 years. But for her, it's part of her make up, of how she's built.
I'm so glad she's here.
Cheers,
SLC
My oldest sons accident happened at less than 45 mph, it left him completely paralyzed, tube fed and mute. I still can not alter any of my other childrens travel in any way. Not to visit, go to the store, nothing. I have a fear that something I might ask them to do will put them in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Bless you in your healing. And gain a couple pounds.
Eat, Braja, eat :) You are so right; only a mother...Hugs to you all.
What a touching post. What a touching post. I am just speechless. thinking of what my mom would have said..
Mothers have a way. A very special way. Thanks for sharing.
Just like a mom.
We all have such different ways of dealing/coping. I think it's interesting you choose not to show the pics. I on the other hand, would have showed them. My personal feeling is that to show the gradual recovery would have been amazing. And possibly to show how the body, mind (along with surgeons of course) works to recover.
Then again, I also find accidents intriquing and sometimes feel the need to follow a fire truck. :)
I cried. I gasped. I held my breath. I laughed at the end!
Braja, thank you so for telling me that my comments were somehow not working - Goodness knows what's going on with Blogger...
And here we learn what's going on with you. And your mum obviously still sees that you are her beautiful child, even after an accident that we know might have had other consequences for you...
Blessings to you, and - Have you lost weight?! xox
I love this post! I live abroad and away from my family and I always worry that something will happen to them and I won't be there to stop it happening or come to the rescue...
And your Mum's comment is exactly what my Mum (any Mum, probably) would say.
Ha! I love that. My mom says this to me almost every time I see her. Even so, I still enjoy it. :)
That was one pretty smart comment from your mother!
But imagine how you'd feel if she had asked, "are you gaining weight???"
Great post - and great to get some of the "back story" as I tuned in with your blog somewhat recently. Hope the healing continues for both of you, and may there be blessings for your whole family (including your great mom).
What a wonderful love between you two! Mom obviously knows you and picked the perfect thing to say. Very sweet, Braja.
Your cousin started out as camera shy? Ha! What a doll he was. John IRving wrote a book about Bollywood. Have you read it?
The closeness of family to this degree is priceless.
Well? did you?
;)
Mom's are the best at making the situation a little better.
Your cousins video was great. It makes me want a twist drink, even though I have no idea what it is. :)
Glad you are doing better.
I gotta admit, I did not see that coming!
Is she a blogger too?
I'm sure another mother could understand how that one question could bring on instant tears from me (knowing what has happened) and a giggle at the same time. I guess a daughter gets it too. ;-)
Thanks for sharing that one, Braja.
Oh, that's your nephew?? What a hottie, and in a cute commercial. Is there a new "thing" about Aussies transplanting themselves to India? :)
Bravo for your mom! I believe I learned a lesson on good parenting from this post. Classic. Now I'm wiping my tears and off to drool over the hottie.
LOVED this post. As a mother, it brought tears to my eyes and goosebumps as well. I can imagine my mother trying to say the right thing to me and I can imagine myself as a mother trying to say the right thing to one of my kids. LOVED this post.
LOVE the last line!!! :o)
Ha! Classic mom-shot!
Child, your mother still is more normal than mine. After I called her from Mumbai (and woke her at 3 am French time) and she came to LA she still spent the whole time talking about how her back hurt. NOT RELEVANT HERE. Every time she gets off the plane at LAX she tells my sister and I she has found better hairdos for us.
Oh by the way, have you lost weight yet?
That made me slap both my hands over my heart and laugh harder than I have in a long time. You know it took so much for her to say that, and in that way. Such a mother love, that one quip saying so much.
You're all a lovely lot, thank you so much for your comments....sorry my comment and posting gig isn't working; I'm on my husband's computer right now and hope my DNS/server problems are fixed soon....see you soon....xxx
Oh, your dear, sweet mother. I can only begin to imagine the horror that she has been through these past few months. Nothing equal to you and your husband, but yes, as a mother, that fear of not being able to protect our children is paralyzing. How great that she was able to have some humor in the face of this. Now I see where you get it!
A mother's love-- Priceless!
Dear Braja, You never cease to amaze me. Your writing is so wonderful and heartfelt. Thank you.
Now, go eat some cake :-) xo
Joanna sent me over here to discover your blog. Beautiful. This post is absolutely precious! Feel better real soon. I think I need to become a follower!
Perfectly told, the final line was delivered in the most sublime way. I was sort of expecting that, although part of me thought it may be a comment about hair.
A wonderful comment. Had a good laugh at that.
Braja, simply love this post. Mothers, regardless of where we come from, they are exactly the same, aren't they?:):) I also checked out your nephew, fun ad:)
YAY! Got in at last...and I'm so glad I persevered with Blogger. This is one of the most heartwarming and inspiring posts I've read in a long, long time. Thank you for sharing that tender 'mother moment' with us. Thank you very much.
Braja,
Beautifully written! This is a very moving and poetic post. You so brilliantly and selflessly reminded us that with all physical pain and suffering, there is the inevitable emotional soul crushing horror that ripples throughout the hearts and minds of the ones that we know and love. It also paints a picture of your heart that we all know exists, a heart that can see past its own suffering and still feel for the pain of others.
Well done Braja,
Craig
lovely, i was almost in tears the entire way through and then i couldn't help but laugh with a little bit of relief at what your mom said. that's so wonderful :)
glad to hear you're feeling better!
Totally priceless!!!
Absolutely AND totally priceless!!
Braja,
"I wanted them to know that what they were seeing was good news..." what a perfect line! I know what you mean about reactions...I don't own the situations that come to me...sometimes I have the hurt but I understand that things happen...it's a different story depending on where the person is looking...some events just happen.
I was contacted by a yogi who wanted to help me with my chakra strength...he was moved by the murder of my mother and said I could change my karma by manipulating my energy. I thought that the event happened to her...and she's moved on...It didn't happen to me...I don't feel like a victim. And when a drunk driver (in the USA illegally) knocked me off the road...I didn't identify with that either. I appreciated the transformation that occured during the accident...the release that I experienced.
My weakest ego point was losing the tip of my finger. I suffered over the loss of my bit of body. Imagine. And that felt like it was mine. I guess that tells me I am a bit too identified with my physical form.
I admire your own courage and ability to accept your changed body. I also am amazed that it has occured so rapidly. It took me a lot longer.
I try to not be overly connected with my children...though I adore them...I want them to have their space...sometimes I'm sucessful and other times...hum...not so much.
Your mother is making a huge careful leap with her question about your weight...it's a compliment in the space of what could be fear or over analysis about the physical impact of the accident. Placing that at the end of your post was quite funny. Great timing. <3
That is just too perfect. God, I love it.
No way!!! That is just too funny!
Totally unexpected.
By the way, your nephew will hereby be referred to as, (by me anyway), Lee MacSwoon.
How wonderful.
Oh, and sory if my notes suck lately. I'm still at my parent's house and my laptop likes to freeze up on me. My poor little laptop Pepto can't handle the 4 pages I like to bring up at once so I can multitask..
Your nephew? Forever known to me as Lee McSwoon.
Gawjus. Positively gawjus.
Aww that's sweet about your mother, they always know the perfect things to say don't they?
That was absolutely priceless--how fantastic!
Oh my gosh, I had no idea you'd been through all that. I can't imagine what that would be like. Your poor mother, I would feel the same way, and I do the same thing with my own sweet mother. But how selfless are you when you must still be in pain yet are thinking only of her.
I hope and pray for your recovery Braja, sending all the healing prayers I can find, but with your wonderful attitude I'm sure you don't need me. Take good care,
lori ♥
having the hardest time getting in here, my computer is behaving so strangely. Hopefully i'll get it sorted soon!
What an amazing mother you have! I'm so glad to hear that all is going well with you and your recovery.
Be well, be safe, be healthy!
Sweet and funny and heartwarming all at once.
POTD! What a supprise, no not really. No supprise here for this beautiful post!
Congrats,
Craig
I love your mum.
Priceless. Truly sensationally priceless.
Bless you, CJ xx
Came from David's POTD. What a wonderful post. Heal well, my friend.
That's fabulous!
Interesting isn't it how we all protect one another. My mom and I go back and forth with this little dance.
Only a mom can and may say that! :-)
Congratulations on David's Post of the Day Award!
Best wishes for a speedy recovery,
Merisi
Blessings to you. Congrats on the Post of the Day mention from authorblog.
Superb post Braja. In many ways. I am neither 45 nor old enough to be your mom, but I can see exactly how she must feel, and long to protect you. That's how mothers are, and no one, no one can be like them. Mothers are just gems. Love her style and feel her unsaid words.
Mamas are tough. And she was probably imagining the very worst, and was actually relieved to see a photo, and know exactly what was going on.
I am so glad you stopped by - I have missed sharing my evenings with your blog ! Adding to feeder now.....
My heart goes out to the both of you!
Your 'Boy' is goooooorgeous :)
Think your mum could take on another daughter? I've been an orphan for 4 years now. And your mum just stole my heart. As did you.
luv,
Kathleen
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