Yeah, look, whatever...forget political correctness: I cannot stand running beggars: the ones who chase me, pull at my clothing, or follow me. Not the mild-mannered ones who sit humbly with a bowl and who break your heart with their timidity. But the runners? Hell, I can't stand anyone running after me: salesmen, debt collectors, store owners I've just shoplifted from, children, or anyone related to any of the aforementioned. And only some of them I'm kidding about...
Calcutta is teeming with beggars, and a lot of them are just the plain whiney variety. I had one abuse me recently because I ignored him. I was trying to get in a taxi and he started mouthing off at me. I had to use all the control I could muster to stop myself turning around, pinning him to the wall, and telling him in language he would surely understand but which yogis just don't use (note to self: stop using that language) that I'd rather train pigs in a circus than give him a penny. But I didn't.
Cos he only had one arm.
He was a genuine beggar. But his attitude totally sucked, and as sorry as I feel for his one-armed-status, he could consider for a moment that begging + right attitude = win win, and I would have merrily parted with some rupees in consideration of his very obvious inability to make it in this world. India's not like the west, where you can sign up for disability. This guy had some serious obstacles, but the main one was his attitude. And the thing I hate most about all this stuff is how bad it makes me feel...here's this guy abusing me and I feel bad. Go figure. I mean, of course he's got attitude: his life is one big shitty mess. I'll possibly go back there one day, find him, and over compensate. Because he'll be in the same place.
And now in a total departure from beggars and my refusal to part with the cash (and my growing regret that I didn't), in a move that will make you think, "I don't believe this woman," my husband and I are going to the Hyatt Regent to spend a few days in 5 star luxury. The absolute polar opposite nature of these two paragraphs is not only shocking but is what makes India what it is: abject poverty and overt opulence mixing like dirty street debris and rain in the street, leaving crappy, muddy puddles of obscure contents that you don't know whether to dodge or dip your toe in. It rips your heart out and drowns you in all its riches in one dose, and I love it and hate it. I do feel an exceptional amount of compassion for a lot of these people, but it doesn't change my life. If it did I'd be a Mother Teresa-type fake, and God knows one of her was enough...
ps: Gaelikaa, our Irish friend in India, did a post on the same subject matter a couple of days ago, which she just brought to my attention. It's a very detailed write-up about the flexibility and smarts that beggars in India have...go and have a read...
76 of you added your thoughts:
Sometimes it is tricky to know who is begging just so they can live, and who is begging for a living!
This is so hard Braja, I hear what you are saying, unless you live like Mother Teresa, it's impossible to give to each and everyone.
You can be compassionate and still stay at the Hyatt, you do what you can, we all do what we can.
Please enjoy your stay, I think there is grace in in having a thankful attitude, which you do.
I have refused entertaining any beggar. I do business with the ones that sell. Books, lottery tickets, handkercheifs whatever.
Thats spirit.
Begging just robs the soul of something that it needs ! I can understand what it must have been for you too !
I just read a story by someone that lives there, about the begging in India. I think that would be hard to see and yet I suppose you start to learn as you have, that you can't and shouldn't give to everyone. I agree with Otin that it would be tricky to know who is begging to live and who is begging for a living. I know that it happens here in the states. I've heard of stories in which people begged and made millions that way. Sad. I can only imagine how this must tug at your heart.
How nice that you and your husband are getting away together.
There is something about your words..."abject
poverty and overt opulence mixing like dirty street debris and rain in the street, leaving crappy, muddy puddles of obscure contents that you don't know whether to dodge or dip your toe in. It rips your heart out and drowns you in all its riches in one dose, and I love it and hate it." Wow. I love your way with words. XXOO
I like what Lori Ann said! Couldn't have said it better.
This truly is the best rant I've read in a long, long time.
The whole love-hate thing? Everyone I know who is addicted to India has told me the exact same thing.
I really gotta get there.
Enjoy your holiday at the Hyatt -- you deserve it, dear one.
http://gaelikaa.blogspot.com/2009/10/alternative-profession.html
Yeah Braja this is a shameless plug for my latest gaelikaa post. But I think you might find it slightly interesting. It's fairly long, but you know, it could have been longer. You simply found the beggar's air of entitlement irritating. There's a deaf and dumb beggar, not mentioned in my post, who waves a piece of court stamp paper in your face and demands his tax, every ten days or so. How I receive him depends on mood. I give food, or a little cash, or whatever is to hand. But one day, after feeding him, he called me outside and demanded water. I gave him an earful. But see, I'd just delivered my fourth baby, still sore, and was suffering from a ginormous abscess above the right breast (and yes, I was breastfeeding, so....). We have to forgive ourselves these little aberrations - but God understands, bless Him!
Saw a man the other day who had a sign that said "no extra change? just smile!" Bet he did pretty well.
I loved this post. Go enjoy your opulence in peace, your guilt is patient.
Great post to draw me into your world. I always suffer with what to give and to whom. There are so many out there in need, but I cannot stand aggressive begging and being chased would totally wig me out. I've had a look around your place this morning and I'll be back later for more later.
Thanks for stopping by my place and leaving your comment. I'll post an answer to the lighting question a little later in the day.
Hey, I'm glad I found your blog, me likey. I've had arguments with beggars before but I've also taken some home....my behavioural difference of course being attitude.
xxx
Speaking on behalf of all circus pig trainers I have to say that I'm sorely offended.
I love how you wrote about the love/hate nature of your observation.
I'm sure you'll sort it out after a few days of luxury...
It's a double-edged sword that... the guilt and the giving, the rich and the poor...
Thank you for your honesty. We have to know ourselves in this ridiculously messed up world. We also need balance. I have to figure it out for myself, and so do you. It's a daily give and take, and we'll have regrets some of the time.
I really appreciate this post.
I am inconsistent in my handout to beggars, here in Toronto. Somedays I'm generous, others I'm Scrooge incarnated.
Sometimes it depends on what ready cash I have on hand, or how rushed I am to get from one place to another. Sometimes it depends on their attitude or their approach.
But mostly, it just seems to be my mood, he said, as if that explained things.
Or excused them.
When my daughter used to fly for Gulf Air, she would cry every time she had to go to India because she just couldn't stand that so many lived in such abject poverty, but mostly, because many beggers maimed themselves to get more money.
I feel for you Braja, but hope you and hubby have a wonderful time in luxury for a few days.
Here in Seattle we get people who run from car to car in parking lots telling a tale of being stranded there with their child and needing cab fare home. There's never a child in view though, and it's always different people with the SAME story. No. I don't believe a single one of them. They are all dressed in fancier clothes than I am and don't look at all like they've spent the night sleeping on the WalMart sidewalk as they claim. I work very hard for my money and I refuse to give it away to someone like that.
I mean, if I got stranded in a parking lot with my child, I'd call my family or friends for a ride home. I wouldn't run from car to car begging strangers for money.
Sometimes they get verbally abusive when I say no. Once a man chased me around my car because I said no. A big, burly man dressed in a $50 designer t-shirt, angrily chasing a single mom around a car, shouting at her for not giving him her money. It's shameful.
I have stopped giving money to the beggers.. and yes i deal with the ones who sells books, and other things..
That's a nice picture on your blog.. i liked it..
We have our version of beggars here in the US too. Some of them I feel like helping, and some of them I don't. Those that are aggressive get zero from me. I can get harassed at home for free; I don't need it from strangers who charge for the privilege.
When you decide to push a beggar up against the wall and give them an attitude education PLEASE make sure that Jahnu has the video camera rolling. Then you can make copies, give them to beggars and they can sell them for good money. Everybody wins.
The beggars here is the US are of a different variety than the ones from the abject poverty in India. Here, they ask for money because they haven't eaten in three days but when you offer to buy them a meal in the restaurant there beside you they walk away and approach someone else. I've been asked for bus fare, for a couple of bucks for gas, money for their meds. You name it. The ones I really dislike are the ones who are well dressed and clean and stand on the corners at the lights with their signs saying 'god bless'. I'm not opposed to giving money to the ones who are sincere and truly in need of aid but it's so hard to know who is real when the fakes sorely outnumber them.
Love this post, Braja! Lori ann said exactly what I was thinking, so ditto! :)
beggars break my heart...ever the unruly ones at times...yeah their attitude sucks but are they giving back what they have gotten. doesnt make it right, just makes you think. i have taken a few into mcdonalds with me and bought them a burger and talked...i have passed by many another. definitely not mother theresa...just me.
One learns persistence from beggars. They don't leave you till you give.
Oops, it would help if I could spell.
5 star Hotel? Can I come? I am that shallow.
Hope you have a wonderful time. As for the beggar, it is just not right to try and force charity. Sure, we should give as often as we're able - and maybe a bit beyond - but there is no way to justify his behavior. None.
India sounds a lot like Atlantic City. There's even a Taj Mahal...
I love the photo panel. I can empathaize, some beggars in China were incredibly aggressive, particularly to us foreigners, to the point of being physically intimidating. Any sympathy I had for them evaporated when they started grabbing, pushing, trying to open car doors.
Also, quite frankly there was often no way I was opening my bag and fumbling in my purse in the downtown pick pocket central, so even deserving beggars often got nothing unless I had money in a pocket.
Perhaps I'm just naturally callous!
Different cultures, means and abilities dictate how we'd react.. not to mention the day to day upsets and uplifts we've experienced at the time. I'm not sure what the answer is, but gratitude for not being among them is certainly worth having. So no answers.. just more for me to think about. Thanks for that. And thanks for your visit to my blog. :)
Just like all people...some beggars are good, some are bad.
The real Mother Theresa was bad enough!
good post. I'm be in Kolkata in January, first time there, but 4th trip to India.
Don't feel bad, Braja. I stopped giving money to beggars ever since I knew about the enormous racket going on behind the scenes, specially the one involving children. I would be indirectly encouraging people who maim kids on purpose so that they go out and beg. And, like Kavi, I definitely try and encourage people who sell stuff...even cheap plastic toys which will break the first time my kid plays with it!
You're right, his attitude is the direct result of his condition, but that does not mean you have to tolerate it!
Enjoy your stay..I'm sure you too deserve it much better than those over-stuffed over-indulgent upper-class people who haven't done a decent thing for others in their life!
Very profound...isn't always our own attitudes, our own self imposed restrictions that hold us back.
Enjoy your 5 days away!
Braja, I just spent a couple of days in Sacramento and honestly the last time I remember seeing that many beggers was on Makaha beach. I do not give to the runners either but if I see someone truely in need then my heart and purse is open. I told one man that I did not wish to partake in his bad karma. He was badgering people for money. I told him I would buy him a coffee or a water or even a Big Mac but I would not give him money. He called me a name that I abhore! So I told him "This is your bad Karma, don't make me part of it."
Dang woman. You are a chameleon, you are. And I love when you get all feisty!
Brilliant brilliant post. Funny and sad at the same time. I've only encountered beggars a few times in my life - more accurately panhandlers - but it's never an easy situation. I don't think I'd be in love with being chased either, or intimidated - one arm or no arms. That's just assault plain and simple. Still, there is an undeniable place for pity in those who must survive on the kindness of strangers. So whatcha gonna do?
What a way with words! I love this one. The love/hate relationship is often hard to describe. You did a great job of it.
Have a fab vacation.
xo
Aaaggghh, that would drive me crazy, and I am sure I would part with many a rupee to people who don't deserve my charity before I learned my lesson. But seriously, one arm? That's rough.
I don't think I would like to be chased or grabbed by anyone, even someone I knew. It would really bother me if it was a beggar. I'm quite sure you're not alone in your feelings!
Before I left NY, a subway car beggar got on and after years of them, we all just looked away or acted busy. Suddenly the man stopped in the middle of the car and shouted out:
"I know you think I'm going to use any money I get to buy drugs. But I don't do drugs, never have, never will. But I drink a little."
Needless to say he got a big laugh and a lot of donations. It's all in the attitude, that's for sure.
Have a great vacation, Braja.
Pearl
p.s. There's a new beggar in Mpls -- he'll write you a poem in exchange for your spare change. I'm thinking of giving him a shot.
Love/hate. Opulence/poverty. These sides of the coin I understand. Lori Ann has it right on: you can be compassionate and stay at the Hyatt. I know a lot of religious literature suggests otherwise, but, really, scourging ones' self does not alleviate the suffering of others.
Like when I was a kid, and was told to eat Brussels sprouts because kids somewhere else were starving. It's all bs.
We do what we can...but that does not mean helping everyone all the time.
This is a really intriguing post. We all have these contradictions in life. I love how up front you are about it.
You've reminded me of a book I read a few years ago that I'm guessing you've read too - Holy Cow. Since I'm a lazy person just home from a long work day who remembers having sent her only copy to a friend who needed it I'll add a cool little review I just found (just in case it hasn't crossed your path).
In her twenties, journalist Sarah Macdonald backpacked around India and came away with a lasting impression of heat, pollution and poverty. So when an airport beggar read her palm and told her she would return to India—and for love—she screamed, “Never!” and gave the country, and him, the finger.
But eleven years later, the prophecy comes true. When the love of Sarah’s life is posted to India, she quits her dream job to move to the most polluted city on earth, New Delhi. For Sarah this seems like the ultimate sacrifice for love, and it almost kills her, literally. Just settled, she falls dangerously ill with double pneumonia, an experience that compels her to face some serious questions about her own fragile mortality and inner spiritual void. “I must find peace in the only place possible in India,” she concludes. “Within.” Thus begins her journey of discovery through India in search of the meaning of life and death.
Holy Cow is Macdonald’s often hilarious chronicle of her adventures in a land of chaos and contradiction, of encounters with Hinduism, Islam and Jainism, Sufis, Sikhs, Parsis and Christians and a kaleidoscope of yogis, swamis and Bollywood stars. From spiritual retreats and crumbling nirvanas to war zones and New Delhi nightclubs, it is a journey that only a woman on a mission to save her soul, her love life—and her sanity—can survive.
Savour every one of those divine Hyatt stars, my dear, and just a consideration - it could be the man's aggressiveness and lack of bodily appendages have a cause and effect relationship.
I had a somewhat similar experience this past weekend and I totally agree that attitude is everything.
I always feel bad when I don't give money to the Austin beggars, who are surely not as bad off as the ones in Calcutta. But if I gave $$ to every beggar I encountered, I'd be on the streets myself. Would that guilt could be translated into cold hard cash. Of course, then all the Catholics would be rich . . . Kidding. Not. :-)
Hey, SLOW DOWN. Can you throw me a quarter????A DIME?? Roll down your WINDOW lady!!!!!!!!!!!
You should have pinned him against the wall. It would have been a good lesson.
We have homeless people and beggars here but I've never seen on do anything but stand. Probably we are too lazy to do anything else.
surprising..jus now a friend wrote to me that thanks to recession the beggars on Paris streets have increased...travelling between mumbai to chennai in train i used to encounter hudnreds of beggars..sad but a reality in india..on one side is the extreme show of opulence..and the other this..it is better to teach someone fishing than to give him fish to eat..what say?? good post as usual braja..cheers..
Begging should not be allowed. I know it is easy to say that. Some of them are able bodied and can find some work to earn an honest living. And most others are those that beg to fatten the wallets of the middle man - begging is such a big racket. It may seem cruel to refuse alms to the beggar, but in many ways it is the best thing to do.
There’s a guy in my neighborhood who asks me every time he sees me for some spare money for a bus ticket. I don’t know if the bus ticket is so expensive or the economy too bad – either way, I think, he should try to improve his business skills. It’s been 4 years that I moved here ... ;-).
I agree with Otie (although Fida is the only other one I read and I agree there too) but I don't mind giving someone some change for a cheeseburger, but when I feel harassed it really pisses me off. You hear about beggars here making quite a good living at it. It especially burns me because I want to help, but you cant save everyone. Sometimes you have to choose. Hmmm, deep thoughts and I already have a headache.
Just came back to say thank you for throwing that quarter my way.
:-)
It was a rupee. I don't do US currency-----it's kinda worthless :)))
Braja, I am overwhelmed by some of the responses which really border on being elitist. Beggars are a fact of life. Even in 'the luckiest countries on earth', the Olympic city of Sydney, we have beggars. And even though some might perhaps be able to earn a living doing the most menial of labour, those with mental illness or alcoholism or drug abuse (or all three) have nowhere to turn.
I understand, completely, the dilemma you found yourself in and have been in a similar situation in down town Beirut where a man with atrophied limbs and no teeth was begging and yelled abuse at me, lisp and all. On the return trip home I wore sunnies so he wouldn't recognise me and handed over some Lebanese lira's. I still felt like shit afterwards though.
Missed your blog and I hope you have a wonderful break with your beloved.
Mervat.
xo
There are beggars that hang around Wal-Mart. I usually give them some food and leave it at that. I know it sounds awful but I worry if I give them cash, that they'll buy cigarettes or booze with it.
That's not "awful," it's intelligent. There are, according to eastern philosophical scriptures, three different modes of charity: ignorance, passion, and goodness. Giving someone charity without caring how the money is spent or having any knowledge or control over how it is spent is called charity in the mode of ignorance. Giving them food is better....
Well, first off, have an enjoyable 5 star time! Yea!
Now, the beggars. I've heard India has the whole 'running after' issue...I've seen it on the Amazing Race when it's on tv. (and if it's on tv, it MUST be true! lol)
What stuck me was the 'no disability like in the West'. I guess I don't take time to stop and think of how others live in other countries, often enough.
I have a bad habit of feeling very guilty when I see a homeless person here...I tend to give what I can which normally isn't much. I just feel so bad for these people. And most of the time I probably shouldn't.
If I were in Calcutta and encountered all those children, I'd be broke in a minute. lol
I used to give money all the time when I first moved to Atlanta. I felt heartsick for people. And then I was subjected to "agressive" panhandling (ATL actually passed a law against it) and it bothered me. I wish there was a way to discern easily who truly needs the help and who is simply working the system.
Eastern philosophical scriptures state that one who sits is worthy of donations; one who chases and manipulates is a cheat. I find that works, at least here in India....possibly all over.....
Braja reading the first part, I am totally with you because I hate people who harrass me. Then I get to the part of the 5 star and I am totally still with you, but this time I am laughing my head off.
Love Renee xoxoxo
begging + right attitude = win win,
I'm totally using that for my new blog tagline.
Good post, Braja. Could I have a quarter? Just kidding.
Enjoy your pampered 5 star luxury ...and watch out for greedy doormen ;)
A fantastic read as always, xv.
Here via Suburb Sanity. I know what you mean about abusive beggars though. A few years ago while traveling through Egypt, I had one spit in my face because I did not give him money. Good thing I pulled my head to the side just as the slime was about to land on me.
Oh my... there may be many beggars... but the colors of that country are stunninly beautiful...
I can't get over the lovely colors...
You are blessed!
Couldn't resist mentioning this link here:
http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/tv/Devdutt-Pattanaik-East-vs-west--the-myths-that-mystify/videoshow_ted/5247330.cms
You kill me. In order to make it up to me, I think you should take me to the 5 star hotel with you.
passing by to say hi braja cheers:)
That montage is spectacular! I visited Dehli once traveling with my sister and being surrounded, chased, touched by beggars was a very frightening thing for us. It felt aggressive, even when it is legitimate, or at least, there is legitimate need.
The collage of photos is so colorful..it almost was assaulting to my senses..we are in the brown part of our year. Brown happens before white. We see people with signs in the city..but we live in the sticks..it is too cold during the winter..most of the riff raff goes south. I personally like the ones that play their guitar or sing..Lordy if one chased me I am afraid I would have to tell him a thing or two. :)
I never tire of reading your posts. They are always wonderful, even those dealing with beggars and poverty. India is truly a land of contrasts and that is what makes it the country that it is. It is good to feel compassion, of course, but you cannot save the world and, even those poor unfortunate souls, must treat others with dignity!!
Have a wonderful interlude at the Hyatt with your beloved!
I enjoyed your post - you certainly call a spade a spade! I also read and commented on the Beggar dilemma over at my dear friend Gaelikaa's and said it's a problem the world over.
It is such an unequal world and sometimes it is hard not to despair. Why is there so much suffering? Why can the worlds problems not be solved? Why are there haves and have-nots? I can't find any answers. Nobody can.
Wonderful post on, basically, the reason I've never wanted to visit India. Being surrounded by beggars just makes me quiver. I'm fine with giving A beggar something; I just can't take it having 50 in a row. Enlightenment would be wonderful!
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